I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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