NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
