this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
