I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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