Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You made out with two different species that night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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