Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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