I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
