Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
