I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
