I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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