My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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