I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
