Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
