is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
