My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
