Where is the hickey?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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