jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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