I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize