The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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