So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
