Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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