I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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