I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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