I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How naked do you want me to be?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
