dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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