There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
