he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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