did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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