It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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