I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize