He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize