Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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