just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
