my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
