3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
