So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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