Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
