happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
