I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize