the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
