the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
