i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize