His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
