we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize