I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize