If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
