My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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