i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
