ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
