I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
