ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
