What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
