someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
