guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
