Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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