im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
