Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
dude. I can hear the air.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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