I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
