I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
