thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
