I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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