my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
