Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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