Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize