He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
