Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
