I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
