The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
