Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
