Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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