Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
