allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
