Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
