New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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