people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's great music for shaving your balls
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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