....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
