I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize