your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
