If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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