I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
