and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I party with great urgency now.
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