yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
