Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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