I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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