Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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