I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
