Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
